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Turning thirty

March 26, 2019

So it happened to me too. I made it to my 30s. I didn’t really celebrate my birthday. I wanted a low key day, so I went to a farm with Artur. As I get older, I enjoy being the centre of attention less and less.

It’s true what they say. It feels the same, nothing has changed, age is just a number. But you still talk about it, what it means to no longer be in your 20s. To undisputedly be an adult. And the most recurring topic – whether you plan to have kids or not.

I feared it, turning thirty. To no longer being ‘young and carefree’. Not that it matters that much. So far, every year seems better than the last. I just wish I had done a better job in my 20s. Been less of an idiot, kinder to others and aware of the world. Cared less about stupid things and more on developing myself. I wish I had paid more attention at uni. I have a degree but I don’t remember a thing.

I know it’s common to feel this way. It’s natural to look back on your younger self and feel embarrassed, even ashamed at your own behaviour. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I can now see clearly how insecure and self absorbed I was. I still have my insecurities but I feel more comfortable with myself and more aware of the world and people around me. I try to not be a terrible person.

I feel sad knowing that the older I get, the less time I will have with my parents. I try to make the most of the time I have them. I’m old enough now to appreciate everything they have done for me and enjoy spending time with them.

When I was 20, I pictured my life at 30 much differently to how it is now. What I pictured was what probably most females are programmed to want. I didn’t get the kids (thank god for that), career (have no desire for that anymore), fancy wedding (waste of time and money), husband (we only got married for visa reasons so I don’t consider Artur my husband). Basically I didn’t get anything I thought I wanted and yet I am very happy.

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farm life

flaemingo_farm

we had our lovely friend andra @grind.and.be.kind we had our lovely friend andra @grind.and.be.kind here over the weekend and were happy to share with her some of our giant vegetables. we don't sell vegetables but we grow more than what we need so we can also give them away and feed our friends and guests 😊
#growingfood #growingveggies #growyourownfood #growyourownvegetables #organicgardening #giantvegetables #permaculturegarden #farmlife #freshvegetables #freshveg #permakulturgarten #bauernhofleben #frischegemüse
i am always a bit reluctant to pick dahlias from t i am always a bit reluctant to pick dahlias from the garden because they seem very precious, but i did take this one for a bouquet in our living room 
#dahlias #dahliaseason #dahliasofinstagram #summerflower #permaculturegarden #farmlife #dahlien #dahliensaison #sommerblume #permakulturgarten #bauernhofleben
baby beans #growingveggies #growingfood #growyouro baby beans
#growingveggies #growingfood #growyourownfood #growyourownvegetables #growingbeans #greenbeans #organicgardening #permaculturegarden #farmlife #grünebohnen #frischebohnen #permakulturgarten #bauernhofleben
i love sunflower season 😍🌻🐝 #sunflowers # i love sunflower season 😍🌻🐝
#sunflowers #sunflowerseason #sunflowersofinstagram #permaculturegarden #foodforbees #summerflower #farmlife #sonnenblumen #sonnenblumensaison #sommerblumen #bauernhofleben
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