July 9, 2018

Part time life – part two

A few months on and it hasn’t gotten any easier, splitting our life between two places. I do realise how lucky and privileged I am to have two homes, when some people don’t even have one.

I find that I am quite unhappy with life in Berlin now. I feel miserable sitting in an office, having to wait for the hours to pass by. It’s not the job itself but the idea of being bound to sitting inside, being restricted during these eight or nine hours or so. Even if there is not so much or even nothing to do, I have to sit there. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t know another way of living, but now that I have a taste of the other side, it is hard to continue this way. Some days I really just feel depressed, sitting in a dark room, staring at a computer, knowing I have the whole day of the same ahead of me.

Spending the days like this really drains me. I have no mental energy to read the books I plan to read or practise the pieces I want to learn on the piano. All I can really do is drink wine to numb the frustrations and switch off my mind. Our apartment is still neglected and is not in the state that I’d like it to be. But when we only spend such a limited of time in the city, I’d rather not be cleaning or shopping for groceries.

Sometimes our huge vegetable garden overwhelms me because we are not here to take care of it everyday. A few days of hot weather and all our lettuce and spinach bolted. We didn’t have the time to eat it all (there was way too much anyway) or at least get organised to sell it or give it away to friends. Raspberries go off because we are not there to pick them in time. I have almost killed my air plants because I brought them from Berlin to Fröhden, forgot about them and accidentally left them out in direct sunlight.

We are planning to change our week around, by spending weekdays in Brandenburg and weekends in Berlin. I enjoy my time in Fröhden and hope that the change in routine, as well as my upcoming freedom will allow me to also enjoy my time again in Berlin.

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