tuk tuk no good

A woman in her 30s, that’s what I am now.

And actually, I do feel my age. It took a while to come to terms with, but I no longer wish to be still in my 20s. I had a slight crisis when I was 29, fearing the new decade, but I’m glad I managed to get over it and now embrace it.

My solitude began yesterday evening. I stayed up late because I could. Not because I had anything important to do, not because I stayed out late with friends, just because for the first time in weeks, I was alone. Noone to make me stick to normal (healthy) sleeping times. It just seemed natural – stay up late.

I was nervous to come back. Getting things ready before leaving – making sure we finished the potato harvest, collecting all the already giant zucchinis, packing all our vegetables. Preparing to leave felt like preparing to leave on a long holiday far away. Yet it’s only a month in Berlin. An hour away from home.

When I first spent two weeks straight in Fröhden in 2018, I was yearning for nightlife Berlin. I had a desire to just be there in a busy bar, amongst friends and strangers, drinking and staying out til past midnight, like a fresh faced eighteen year old, discovering city adulthood for the first time.

It seems these days that every single week, someone spells my name incorrectly. It’s actually quite incredible, especially since the majority of them are writing to me on Facebook or email, where my name is clearly there.

(Written during my two weeks back in Berlin, after four months away.)

I actually forgot the sound of sirens, til one blasted right past our apartment at midnight.